


People you may know.

by hyunghoney



Series: love endlessly. [5]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chae Hyungwon-centric, Healthy Relationships, M/M, Obsession, Pining, Post-Break Up, Reunions, Sad with a Happy Ending, it's sad but wholesome, not getting back together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 19:53:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17987561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunghoney/pseuds/hyunghoney
Summary: There is love where Hyunwoo is, driving them to Kihyun’s house even though he has a meeting in a few minutes, and there is love where Changkyun is, tracing Hyungwon’s face with his soft fingers.There is love here, he knows.But he dreams of Hoseok.(where hyungwon slowly stops pining for his ex-fiance, hoseok)





	People you may know.

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this fic for a while! it was slowgoing, but i'm done and i'm very happy with the final product. i hope you enjoy~
> 
> (as with all my 'love endlessly' fics, this is also dedicated to someone! this fic is for @jenkittens on twitter aka my love chloe)

**FROM: Chae Hyungwon**

**_18/03/21 03:39am_ **

Can’t stop thinking about you 

I miss you every day 

I love you 

Need you 

Love you 

Please come back 

I love you

 

_ (read 11:17am) _

* * *

 

 

The screen reads ‘People you may know’. 

 

Hyungwon, in his boredom, has logged onto Facebook for the first time in months. His eyes glance uninterestedly at the list of friends that Facebook had recommended him as he waits for his ride to arrive. 

 

It’s Wednesday and he’s headed to his friend’s house, which is so ridiculously far from his own that he’s forced to freeze his ass off on a bench waiting for his other friends to pick him up. The usual lunch crowd rushes by as he sits on the bench, and he is reminded of the perks of not working in an office. He leans back against the bench, pulling the coat closer around his body to shield from the harsh winds. 

 

_ Im Changkyun, Min Yoongi, Kang Seulgi, Yoo Kihyun… _ Lee Hoseok. 

 

In the tiny picture on the phone screen, a black-haired man grins up at him, eyes shining and happy. Hyungwon feels a pain akin to a metal cord squeezing around his heart. Hyungwon’s fingers tighten around the phone with the same force, knuckles going nearly white. 

 

Hoseok – A kiss on the forehead, chocolates and shrimp and ramen, cuddles whenever he wanted, big arms that enveloped him in their strength and nothing else could make him feel safer...

 

Hoseok.  _ His  _ Hoseok. 

 

Without knowing it, Hyungwon’s fingers have clicked the profile on their own. The app starts to load the profile, agonizingly slow. He wants to close his eyes, turn off his phone, or maybe throw it away so he wouldn’t have to see. His heart gets the better of him and so his eyes stay stubbornly open, desperate to see more of the man he hasn’t spoken to in ten months. 

 

(Hyungwon remembers Hoseok too well, can still almost hear his voice whining in the mornings when Hyungwon refused to wake up, tightly wrapped around Hoseok like a koala… Has it been ten months already?) 

 

Hoseok’s profile is for friends only, with a few public pictures scattered here and there. Hyungwon feels a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he looks through the pictures he can see. Hoseok is smiling in every single one of them, brighter than the stars, just as he’s always been. 

 

When his ride finally arrives, Hyungwon is still lost in thought. Changkyun climbs out of the car when it stops and comes to get him, bouncing on his heels. 

 

“One day I’m going to find a scientific reason for how one man can look so sleepy with just one face.” Changkyun teases as he approaches. Hyungwon laughs weakly, eyes still glazed over, and absent-mindedly takes Changkyun’s outstretched hand. 

 

Hyunwoo nods at him from the rearview mirror. “You look so down for a guy who’s birthday is in one week.” 

 

Hyungwon’s too out of it to retort or explain – not that he’d even want to put Hyunwoo through another round of him pining after Hoseok again. He slowly enters Hyunwoo’s car, puts his head into Changkyun’s lap and sleeps for the whole ride. 

 

He tells himself there’s no need to think further about Hoseok. 

 

Hyunwoo smiles fondly at his friend through the rear-view mirror as Changkyun sits completely still, careful not to disturb the sleeping Hyungwon. 

 

Changkyun hasn’t known Hyungwon for very long, just about six months or so, having met him through Hyunwoo, who’d known him for years. Still, Hyungwon has his own quiet way of entering people’s hearts and making his home there, and Changkyun is more than happy to accomodate. 

 

Changkyun absentmindedly runs his fingers through Hyungwon’s hair as he talks to Hyunwoo, and Hyungwon leans in to his touch. He’s still sleeping, but his body chases familiarity, chases affection where he can find it. 

 

There is love where Hyunwoo is, driving them to Kihyun’s house even though he has a meeting in a few minutes, and there is love where Changkyun is, tracing Hyungwon’s face with his soft fingers. 

 

There is love here, he knows. 

 

But he dreams of Hoseok.

 

* * *

 

 

**FROM: Lee Hoseok**

**_18/03/03 10:39pm_ **

I’ll get my things tomorrow 

You can just leave them at the door

 

**FROM: Chae Hyungwon**

**_18/03/03 10:40pm_ **

Okay

 

**FROM: Lee Hoseok**

**_18/03/03 10:40pm_ **

By the way, Won.. 

I’m sorry   

 

**FROM: Chae Hyungwon**

**_18/03/03 10:41pm_ **

Okay

 

* * *

 

It’s night-time when he arrives back home that day. He doesn’t bother turning on the lights in the apartment and drags his feet into the bedroom using his phone torchlight to see. 

 

The day had been okay, he supposes. 

They’d hung out and watched a movie and he’d been happy when Hyunwoo joined them after his meeting, squeezing in between them on the couch and asking for food immediately. It was one of those moments when Hyunwoo was so  _ him _ that Hyungwon remembered how much he adores him. 

 

Kihyun had fed them cold instant noodles and leftovers (“More than you deserve anyway,” he had teased Hyungwon when he’d complained) and was strangely radiant for the whole day. It had taken all the pride Hyungwon had in him to not pull Kihyun into his arms and snuggle him when he had been so cute that day. 

 

Changkyun let them listen to a mixtape he was working on and brightened up and giggled when Hyungwon gushed over it. 

 

“People you may know”... Hyungwon wants to scoff aloud at the suggestion that he could  _ not _ know Hyunwoo, or Kihyun, or Changkyun. 

 

Or Hoseok. 

 

_ That  _ Hoseok. 

 

Not his Hoseok, not anymore. 

 

He has to remember that, now. 

 

Hyungwon throws his phone lightly onto the bed and collapses onto it. His eyelids are getting droopy but he doesn’t count on it, knows he won’t be asleep for a while, already too used to his own insomniac tendencies. 

 

Tonight, though, he can’t afford to get lost in his own thoughts – they all lead to Hoseok, and he’s not willing to cry himself to sleep like some hormonal teenager. 

 

He’d already gone through that during the first painful month after their breakup – when the nights got so cold and Hoseok wasn’t there to keep him warm him in his big arms, to stay reluctantly awake keeping Hyungwon company till he tired himself out, and Hyungwon instead had stayed awake for hours until the sobbing had taken the life out of him. 

 

Hyungwon had only realised how all-consuming their love had been when Hoseok had gone, and he’d found himself painfully, pathetically alone. 

 

He picks up his phone and scrolls through apps at random, hoping he’ll bore himself to sleep. They’re a pretty good distraction from the memories that keep resurfacing ever since that morning. 

 

(Don’t think about him.) 

 

It’s about four in the morning when the phone slips out of Hyungwon’s slack grasp and lands softly on his bed, and Hyungwon’s finally asleep. 

 

He dreams of Hoseok. 

 

* * *

 

 

**FROM: Chae Hyungwon**

**_18/03/24 05:42am_ **

I’m freezing 

It’s so cold

Ever since you left, it’s been so cold 

I need you 

 

_ (read 1:15pm) _

 

* * *

 

 

It’s an hour past noon, and Hyungwon is so, so cold. 

 

_ (“Go to sleep, baby,” Hoseok whispered, throwing an arm around Hyungwon’s waist to pull him into his chest.  _

 

_ Hyungwon snuggled into the warmth of his fiance’s body, and kept twitching, restless. Hoseok sighed, his breath warming the back of Hyungwon’s neck. He pulled the blanket tighter around them and wrapped a strong hand around Hyungwon’s soft stomach.  _

 

_ “And you say  _ I’m _ clingy,” Hyungwon teased, but whined and clung on even harder when Hoseok jokingly moved to pull away from him. His fingers found Hoseok’s and gripped tight, pulling him closer to bask in the comfort of his body.  _

 

_ “You know… I’m gonna love you forever.”  _

 

_ Hyungwon “mhm-hm”s, feeling himself drift to sleep as Hoseok nuzzles into his neck, barely noticing the ticklish feeling. _

 

_ “Me too, Hoseok.” ) _

 

Without thinking, he finds himself reaching for his phone, scrolling down the contacts till he reaches the number he should have deleted ten months ago. The name “Lee Hoseok” sits starkly against the white of the screen, mocking him in his old fiance’s voice. 

 

Hyungwon had cut himself off from everything after Hoseok left – none of their mutual friends knew him anymore, and their old hangouts were nothing more than that. The only person who even  _ knows _ he used to date Hoseok is Hyunwoo. He’d worked so hard to get away from thoughts of Hoseok, but he must be truly pathetic if he’s still pining for him after all that effort, after nearly a year. 

 

He shakes himself out of it. He can’t get bad again, not when he’s been getting better for the last ten months. He owes himself better. 

 

His stomach grumbles as if to remind him his heart isn’t the only thing that’s empty as of that moment. He rises from where he’s been lying, curled into a warm corner of the couch, and goes to raid his refrigerator. 

 

It’s mostly empty, as it’s been for the last few months. Hyungwon’s never been the best at taking care of himself. He contemplates the only thing in the fridge that can vaguely be considered food – a plate of weeks-old cheesecake – before deciding he didn’t hate himself that much yet and putting it back. His stomach grumbles again in protest.  

 

His phone vibrates in his hand, where he’d been clutching it mindlessly.

 

**FROM: Son Hyunwoo**

**_19/01/08 1:17pm_ **

_ are you free? come eat lunch with us :] _

 

Hyungwon fires off a quick text to tell them he’s on his way. He swallows his lethargy, throws on a hoodie, and heads out the door to where love waits. 

 

* * *

 

Hyungwon thinks it’s cute that his friends think they’re being sneaky about planning his surprise birthday party. The number of times they’ve referred to “that  _ thing _ ” when they think he’s not paying attention is too many to count, but Hyungwon entertains them and pretends to be oblivious. Besides, the thought of having people that cared enough to do so much for his birthday makes him feel warm. 

 

Before, he’d only spent his birthdays with Hoseok. Whenever it was either of their birthdays, Hoseok would take a day off work, Hyungwon would stop his writing, and they’d spend the whole day together. The January before they’d broken up, Hoseok had taken him to the amusement park. 

 

Hyungwon still remembers how Hoseok had left finger marks on his arms, having held onto him too tightly at the top of a rollercoaster. Hyungwon had had to comfort him and take him to one of the park’s many themed restaurants until he’d become cheerful again and dragged Hyungwon off to a children’s ride. He remembers all too well the embarrassment of being two grown men clambering into a children’s ride, the judging stares of the parents who waited at the sides for their children. He’d buried his face into Hoseok’s shoulder as the ride started, and let the teacups spin them away from the judging. 

 

The March that they broke up, Hyungwon had learnt how hard it was to sit alone at a restaurant, ignoring the silent questions in the stares of fellow patrons, awkwardly telling the impatient waiter to hang on because Hoseok was on his way. He remembers desperately texting Hoseok to ask him where he was, and if he was okay…

* * *

 

**FROM: Chae Hyungwon**

**_18/03/01 7:32pm_ **

You’re on your way right? 

I’m at the table already!! 

This place is crazy fancy hehe

The food smells really nice though, you’re gonna love it 

**FROM: Chae Hyungwon**

**_18/03/01 7:52pm_ **

Hey are you running late? The waiter’s rushing me 

**FROM: Chae Hyungwon**

**_18/03/01 8:20pm_ **

I hope you don’t mind but I already ordered us food

The waiter couldn’t wait 

Are you okay??? 

 

_ Hoseok had arrived at 9pm, still in his work clothes, just as Hyungwon had been getting up to go home. Hyungwon’s fingers ached from clutching his phone too tightly, desperately waiting for a reply from his fiance to indicate he was okay, and his lip was almost bleeding from how hard he’d been biting it in his worry. Hoseok just slides into the seat and says a quick apology, still on a call with his colleague.  _

 

_ They went home in silence that night, Hyungwon’s knuckles white around the steering wheel as he wills himself not to start a fight on Hoseok’s birthday. Hoseok’s eyes were fixed on his phone as they had been for the whole night. Hyungwon ignored the way his heart ached for his boyfriend to look at him just once. (It shouldn’t have been that hard, they were  _ engaged _.)  _

 

_ “Hey…” Hyungwon said at last, sick of the silence. His voice seemed unnaturally loud in contrast to the previous silence of the car. Hoseok raised his eyes from his phone. “Happy Birthday, hyung.”  _

 

_ Hoseok just nodded, giving him a small smile that doesn’t reach his distracted eyes.  _

 

* * *

 

 

“It’s just a  _ thing _ , it’s nothing big,” Kihyun weakly explains through the phone, when Hyungwon demands to know why he’s being forced to go meet Hyunwoo early in the morning the next day. He only smiles, amused, as Kihyun flounders in his attempt to convince him. “Uhh… Hyunwoo hyung found a new restaurant and no one else is free to go with him! So… so you definitely have to go. Don’t hurt his feelings.” 

 

Hyungwon narrows his eyes in joking suspicion, although Kihyun can’t see him. “Oh, so this definitely has  _ nothing _ to do with tomorrow being my birthday?” 

 

Kihyun gasps comically loud as he frantically disputes the obvious fact that Hyungwon pointed out.  Hyungwon just laughs, and shrugs. “I guess I’m free, anyway, so I’ll go see him.” 

 

Hyungwon’s heart feels lighter than it has in days. A smile creeps its way onto his face that he can’t fight. He’s so glad Kihyun can’t see how goofy he looks right now, sitting at a bus stop, smiling uncontrollably for no apparent reason. A few strangers stare at him as he passes, and it’s the embarrassment that finally makes him bite back the smile. He’s still full of happy energy when he arrives at Changkyun’s house. 

 

Changkyun acts similarly oblivious when Hyungwon mentions having to meet Hyunwoo at the restaurant the next day. Hyungwon finds this endlessly amusing – they aren’t even hiding their plans well. What a bunch of amateurs. But his heart seems to be doing some strange somersaults and flips. This, he thinks, must be what happiness feels like. He’d all but forgotten it; Had his heart ever felt so light? 

 

“Anyway, I don’t know anything about a restaurant” –  _ liar _ – “but I’m sure you’ll have fun!” 

 

Hyungwon just snorts and lets the subject drop, amused by the way Changkyun breathes an obvious sigh of relief. 

 

Him and Changkyun are the only ones in their little group of friends that don’t work in an office, so spending his weekdays with Changkyun, whether at his own house or at Changkyun’s, has become a habit. Sometimes, if Kihyun gets home early from work, they’ll head to his house and rob him of his groceries. Hyunwoo will come to whichever house they happen to be at before he even goes home after work. This is Hyungwon’s life, most normal days. He had never thought of himself as a creature of habit before, but he’s fallen into a comfortable, happy routine.

 

Today, Changkyun studies silently, only talking when he needs Hyungwon to get him something. Hyungwon, meanwhile, is sprawled on the floor, long limbs leaving no space for anyone to walk, working on editing an article. Neither of them bother to fill up the silence with conversation – they both have work to do, and they’ve become so comfortable with each other that they don’t feel awkward. 

 

After lunch, Changkyun forces him to abandon his work – “Do you want me to get fired?” “Your livelihood means nothing to me.” – and drags him to the game consoles. Hyungwon, predictably, refuses to lift himself off the floor and so he literally has to be dragged along the floor, laughing and screaming the whole way. Eventually, Changkyun gets tired of lifting him and lets him drop back to the floor unceremoniously. Hyunwoo lets himself into the apartment just in time to witness the chaos. He helps Changkyun out by lifting Hyungwon easily and chucking him onto the couch. By the time Kihyun barges into the apartment, they’re on their fourth round of Wii Tennis and Hyungwon’s being destroyed by Hyunwoo while Changkyun cheers them on. 

 

It’s chaos and noise, but it’s Hyungwon’s happy normal. 

 

By the time he’s dozing off in the back of Kihyun’s car that night, he realises he hasn’t thought of Hoseok even once. It’s a surprising realisation – even in the ten months that followed their break-up, every thought had led right back to Hoseok. (Where is he? What is he doing? Is he healthy and is he happy and does he ever think of Hyungwon?) None of the questions that had once plagued him bother him these days. 

 

Kihyun’s on the phone with someone while they wait for the light to turn green, but he still gives Hyungwon a smile when they meet eyes through the rearview mirror. Hyungwon smiles back sleepily before letting his eyelids droop. He drifts off to an easy, dreamless sleep. 

 

* * *

 

Hyungwon wakes up in the morning to a text from Hyunwoo telling him he’s late for their meet-up at the restaurant. 

 

**FROM: Son Hyunwoo**

**_19/01/15 10:55am_ **

No rush :]

I expected this of you anyway, sleepyhead 

 

He blinks blearily at it for a few seconds before shooting out of bed. Two thoughts run through his head. The first: Who on Earth shows up late to their own birthday celebration? The second: What if there really is no surprise party, and he made Hyunwoo wait this long just to eat? The previous night had just been so exhausting that he’d forgotten to set an alarm. He stops wasting time on being embarrassed and clambers around his room to begin getting ready. 

 

It’s 11.30am on a Tuesday, which means his friends must have all taken time off work to celebrate his birthday together. He lets this thought warm him as he sits on the bus waiting to arrive at the restaurant. Hyungwon is not narcissistic by any means, but it really does feel nice to be treated like he’s special, to not have to doubt that he is loved. 

 

Upon arriving at the location, Hyungwon can immediately infer that this “new” restaurant that Hyunwoo had “found” isn’t really new at all. He’d passed by it a few times over the years, and even remembers mentioning to Kihyun that he’d love to eat there someday. He opens the door to the sight of Changkyun standing on top of a shaky ladder, balloons in hand, while Kihyun, buried in streamers, shouts instructions at him. 

 

“Put it in the corner!” 

 

“I can’t, there’s nothing to tie the string to–” 

 

“What do you think I gave you tape for, dumbass?” 

 

Hyungwon is about to announce his presence when a cardboard box bumps into him and knocks him a few steps backwards. The carrier of said box turns out to be Hyunwoo, who has been all but blinded by the three boxes stacked in his arms that are blocking his line of vision. 

 

“Damn, you guys are  _ bad _ at this ‘organising surprise party’ thing.” 

 

Hyunwoo rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. But Kihyun, asshole as always, goes “We thought it would take you at least three hours to get out of bed, sorry!” and doesn’t look remorseful when Hyunwoo smacks him on the arm. Changkyun strides over and dumps a bunch of balloons into Hyungwon’s arms, telling him to get to work and put them up. 

 

“This is how you treat me on my birthday?” Hyungwon says in mock hurt. “You didn’t even wish me a happy birthday.” 

 

“That’s for later,” Kihyun laughs. “For now, let’s just get all this decorating out of the way.” 

 

Hyungwon looks around. It seems like the entire restaurant is deserted – did they really rent the whole place out? His eyes roam to Kihyun, Hyunwoo, Changkyun, then himself. Yeah, this is definitely  _ way _ too much space for just four people. 

 

“Who are we even decorating for?” Hyungwon asks, bemused. 

 

It’s Changkyun’s turn to look sheepish. 

 

“Well, we hope you don’t mind. But since we rented out this whole place, we thought maybe we could invite more people. So we invited everyone you know –” Changkyun pauses to gauge his reaction, but he only raises an eyebrow. “And… a few people  _ we _ know.” 

 

Huh. 

 

They all look at him with big eyes, waiting for his ruling. In this moment, they are so adorable, and his heart is so full. He could kiss all of them. They all breathe sighs of relief when he breaks into a smile and tells them that he’s really excited. And he really is excited, and so happy he could cry (not that he’d ever admit it to them). This is what love is, he thinks – not obsession, not loneliness, not sadness or pining. It’s the feeling of forever and the feeling of home, and the knowledge that if he is to cry right now, Kihyun would hug him and treat him gently and then never let him live it down. He’d forgotten love, this happy feeling, chasing a man he’d never see again. 

 

The emotional moment passes. Hyungwon gets to work putting up balloons and arranging tables. Once or twice, he bickers with Kihyun about whose turn it is to lift the heavy boxes. Hyunwoo saves Kihyun’s toe from a falling ladder while Changkyun laughs at his plight. There is so much easy happiness in these moments that Hyungwon mourns a little when the other guests start to arrive. 

 

In walks everyone he knows – people from high school, work, university. Hyunwoo looks so proud when Hyungwon commends the effort that must have gone into all this. Hyungwon is ready to mark this day as his best day of the year, and it’s only January. 

 

And then the door swings open, and Lee Hoseok walks into the room. 

 

Hyungwon doesn’t have time to respond to this (hide? run? cry for help?) before Hoseok makes eye contact with him. The world stops, time freezes. Hyungwon can’t do anything but stare. Hoseok’s mouth has fallen open slightly in shock. What is he even doing here? Hyungwon’s mind is telling him to run, run, run. (But where can he run to? It’s his own fucking party.) His heart tells him that’s love, love –  _ no, that’s not where love is _ . 

 

Then Kihyun walks up to Hoseok, wraps him in a back-hug and pulls him to a different part of the room, out of Hyungwon’s sight. Hyungwon stares at the place Hoseok had been standing, the place Kihyun had hugged Hyungwon’s ex-fiance and pulled him away. Did Kihyun know? Too many thoughts run through his mind. His heart, as always, knows only pain. He nearly chokes on it, it feels like somebody’s squeezing him as hard as they can. 

 

“Hey, are you doing okay?” Hyunwoo’s gentle voice grounds him, pulling him back to reality. 

 

Hyungwon doesn’t know what to say or do so he reaches desperately for Hyunwoo’s hand. Maybe it’s because he’s so clearly distraught or because Hyunwoo knows him so well, but he doesn’t ask any more questions. He just holds Hyungwon’s hand in his own and rubs circles onto his thumb. Hyungwon releases all his heartache and confusion into squeezing Hyunwoo’s hand as tight as he can. Hyunwoo winces but doesn’t pull away. He knows (better than anyone) Hyungwon’s pain. 

 

On the night that Hoseok had ended things with Hyungwon for good, Hyunwoo had been the only one he could turn to. They weren’t close back then – Hyunwoo had been Hoseok’s friend first. But when a sobbing Hyungwon called him just before midnight with the least of explanations, he hadn’t hesitated to come knocking on his door with some midnight snacks and a listening ear. They’d been close ever since, and collected Kihyun and Changkyun along the way. Hyungwon is even more grateful for him today than he had been back then. 

 

His other hand is lifted gently, a glass of water placed in it. Changkyun strokes his back in a comforting motion, the calm to Hyungwon’s internal chaos. Without saying anything at all, he reminds Hyungwon to breathe. Hyungwon does, and takes a slow sip of the water to steady himself. Changkyun doesn’t know what’s wrong, definitely wouldn’t recognise Hoseok even if Hyungwon points him out. All he knows is that something has so violently shaken Hyungwon and he desperately needs someone to hold him still. 

 

There is affection in the way Changkyun has casually put an arm around his waist, reminding him he’s not alone. There is devotion in how Hyunwoo takes the glass out of Hyungwon’s trembling fingers and takes both his hands into his own. Here is love, in the upturn of Hyunwoo’s lips when he sees Hyungwon’s breathing begin to even out. Here is love in Changkyun moving ever so subtly in front of him and handling all the party chit-chat so that he can rest. He is surrounded by this: affection, and devotion, and love, love, love. 

 

It is more love than he’s ever received, even when Hoseok had used to love him. On the subject of Hoseok, though – Hyungwon supposes it’s futile to ignore the facts. 

 

The first: Hoseok is here at his birthday party. 

 

The second (less important): He looks  _ good _ . 

 

The third: He’s dating Kihyun? 

 

He’s not entirely sure about that last fact. Kihyun is one of Hyungwon’s closest friends in the world, but he hadn’t been around when the pair of them had been engaged. How is Kihyun to know that the man in his arms is the same one that Hyungwon had devoted his whole life to, the same man who had promised him forever and then decided to leave, the same man Hyungwon dreamt of every night and wondered about every day? If he cranes his neck, he can see Kihyun with Hoseok now: Hand in hand, a kiss pressed to the cheek, Hoseok’s eyes full of fondness, Kihyun alight with happiness. 

 

Here’s the fourth fact: 

 

_ He’ll never have him back, he’s really never coming back _ –

 

“I’m gonna go to the balcony for a bit.” He tells Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo looks worried but doesn’t make to follow him – he can tell when Hyungwon just needs to be alone. Changkyun too doesn’t try to follow him, but silently shrugs the jacket off his shoulders and puts it on Hyungwon instead before letting him leave. Hyungwon smiles a little, charmed by the unprompted kindness. He looks over to where Hoseok and Kihyun are standing, talking by themselves, and then looks away immediately. 

 

When he opens the door to the balcony and steps outside, the air is freezing. He pulls Changkyun’s jacket closer around his shivering body. It’s so cold – he used to think everything only became cold when Hoseok wasn’t around. Why else would it have become so cold after he left? But Hoseok is here (in someone else’s arms) and it’s still very cold out here. (Changkyun’s jacket does help, though.)

 

Ten months ago, when Hoseok moved out of the apartment and returned the engagement ring, Hyungwon was completely ruined. Hoseok had been his whole world – he’d built his home in those strong arms and he’d never felt happier or more complete. No one had told him back then that he shouldn’t dump all his loneliness and obsession onto one person. Hoseok, kind as he was, could  _ never _ handle that. And, he supposes, no one had told Hoseok he shouldn’t stray so far from the man he’d promised forever, and to not run away without an explanation when he got scared of the commitment. 

 

Hyungwon is so sick of focusing on the could-have-beens that had made him pathetic for the past year. He could have been married by now, could have been living in domestic bliss by now, could have been spending his birthday with the love of his life. Or he can think about now, and about his best friends that spent all of today trying to make him happy, and about how they make him feel like he is enough. The could-have-beens are so tempting (he’s been chasing them forever), but the right-now is happiness and affection and love, love, love. It’s more than good enough. 

 

The door to the balcony pushes open slowly, hesitatingly. Somehow, he can already tell who it is. A calm washes over him. 

 

“Hi.” 

 

Hoseok’s voice is soft, kind of like he doesn’t really want to be heard. He hovers by the balcony door, leaving a generous distance between them. Hyungwon turns to face him. In the moonlight, Hoseok is beautiful. Even without being in love with him (or having been), he’d still see him this way. He tries to smile. 

 

“Hi.” 

 

Now that his presence has  been acknowledged, Hoseok seems happy to walk over, joining him by the railings. Hyungwon feels a little breathless. 

 

“So. You’re dating Kihyun?” He tries to keep the emotion (heartache, pining, regret) out of his voice. Hoseok swallows, clears his throat awkwardly. Then he nods. 

 

“I am. I’m really sorry, he hasn’t mentioned his friends – it’s all very new.” 

 

“It’s okay.” 

 

And it really is okay. Hyungwon just smiles, a little painfully, at the man that used to love him. Hoseok smiles back. 

 

“Happy Birthday.” 

 

“Thanks.” 

 

There’s silence, after that. Hyungwon doesn’t try, immediately, to fill it. They look from the balcony, around at the surrounding buildings. Hyungwon takes the time to think – what better day for some emotional introspection than his own birthday? He analyses this year-old hurt and decides to let it go. In the end, it’s just as simple as that. 

 

This is how closure comes, ten months after the wound is created: 

 

“Could you tell me why?” 

 

Hoseok meets his eyes. 

 

“Why?” He asks, even though there’s nothing to clarify. 

 

“Why you left.” 

 

A short pause as Hoseok deliberates his answer. 

 

“I don’t know. I guess… I guess I changed my mind.” 

 

It’s not a good answer, but Hyungwon knows it’s going to have to be enough. Because he’s got to stop expecting things from people who will never give them to him. He looks back to where love is, not where he thought it was, not where it used to be and no longer is. 

 

(Hyunwoo, finally having noticed Hoseok’s presence, is giving Hyungwon a worried glance. Too far away for words, he tries to confirm that Hyungwon is okay. Changkyun looks confused and worried, but turns away when he catches Hyungwon’s eye. Kihyun is standing with them again and looks, wide-eyed, from him to Hoseok.) 

 

“Okay.” 

 

He knows he has to let go, so he does. 

 

“I’m going to go inside.” 

 

* * *

 

Kihyun’s face is an extreme shade of red when Hyungwon gets back to the group. Hyungwon doesn’t let him utter a word of apology, of course, even though he looks like he’s bursting to say them. Hoseok is an amazing person, and Kihyun more than deserves to be with someone like him. Besides, he hadn’t even known about their history, so Hyungwon doesn’t fault him in the slightest. He tells Kihyun all this, but he still looks remorseful. 

 

“I really mean it, Kihyun,” Hyungwon assures him, taking his hand. “No hard feelings.” 

 

“This is honestly straight out of some kind of drama,” Changkyun comments. His smile is teasing, an indicator that he’s trying to lighten the mood. “Starring Chae Hyungwon as the handsome, tragic lead.” 

 

Hyungwon laughs just to humour him, and Changkyun winks exaggeratedly. Unable to resist him, Hyungwon easily pulls him into his arms and crushes him in a hug. He doesn’t let go even when Changkyun begins to struggle. Hyunwoo revels in the chaos, eyes crinkling into crescents as he watches their play-fight. Kihyun’s apologetic face relaxes at last into a small amused smile. 

 

“You know,” Hyungwon says to Changkyun. “I wish I could keep you in my pocket.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah. I know you’re in love with me.” 

 

The evening feels like it’s been set right again, after the surprises and the heartache. Hyungwon isn’t really as heartbroken as he would’ve expected to be. The evening is filled with chatter and noise, and Hyungwon cannot be happier.

 

He hopes he won’t notice when Hoseok leaves, hopes he won’t stare too pathetically after the man he used to love. But he does notice when Hoseok leaves, because he comes over to give Kihyun a goodbye kiss before taking off. Hyungwon musters a small smile and waves to Hoseok as he goes. 

 

Hyungwon lets go of Hoseok, truly and finally. 

 

He will never know Hoseok again, will never be able to be friends with him or know what his days are like. They will never again be what they were. He designates Lee Hoseok to a different place in his life: the past, the person he may have known. And of course, it hurts. Because it’s Hoseok; How can he  _ not _ know Hoseok? But he supposes it’s okay to hurt, and he knows (hopes) it will slowly pass. 

 

The evening becomes night like this: Kihyun snaps a paper birthday hat onto his head, the string slapping against his chin. Hyungwon smacks him lightly in retribution. Hyunwoo disappears momentarily and returns with a cake in hand. Changkyun wraps himself around Hyungwon, plants a kiss onto his cheek. The guests gather around after Hyunwoo calls them over. Kihyun snaps a picture of Hyungwon standing, awkwardly useless, as they sing him a birthday song. 

 

Hoseok is long gone. 

 

Hyungwon blows out the candles, and wishes for a happy tomorrow. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this fic didn't go in the direction i originally wanted it to, because they were supposed to get back together! but i really think i would've loved it a lot less if they had, because it would just be another old love story. this one is more about healing and friends rather than romantic love. i hope you all liked it!! 
> 
>  
> 
> twitter @hyunghoney  
> tumblr @sakurachae  
> curiouscat @hyunghonie
> 
> thanks for reading!! please leave comments and kudos <3


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